Gorgeous Suicide
by Archangel-Rem
Summary: (IN PROGRESS) CHAPTER 5 UP! LOTS OF ANGST! What's Ryou's little secret? Yugi and gumi must find out! And I suck at summaries! There's suicide (obviously), masochism, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I warn theeee!
1. Only ten

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh ::snif snif::

Authoress note: This is my first Yu-gi-oh fic and I hope I do well. This is a depressing like thing. There's masochism, persciption drug abuse, so don't try anything they do please? I don't want to do fined and sent to jail.

He was sitting there, staring at the razor blade in his hand. He watched it glitter in the dim room. Ryou was watching it too, in the same way. This seemed to be the only thing that kept them alive and sane. Or at least Ryou sane. Bakura knew that if he harmed this body, he'd harm Ryou. This, not matter how psychotic he was, didn't seem too inviting. He backed away into the black of unconsciousness. He couldn't do this, he couldn't harm Ryou for his own personal detachment. But something grabbed him, pulling him back into control.

/ It's ok Bakura, I can't do this on my own, I trust you. / Ryou's voice rang through his head.

But Ryou, you're not much on pain. he joked. There was a silence that explained everything. Are you sure?

/ Yes, and take the pills on the table. It'll help. /

Walking into he kitchen, he swallowed the five pills and went up to Ryou's room.

What about school?

/ I really don't care anymore, this is all I want. / Bakura was a little disappointed with himself I letting his hikari become addicted as he was to such a thing. Groggily sitting on the edge of the bed, he spread a towel over his knees and pulled out the razor again. Before he knew it, he was reveling in the masochistic bliss that he practiced whenever possible.

"One . . ." he sighed, staring at the ceiling. Another slash crossed the inside of his forearm.

"Two . . ." He looked down, watching his blood drip slowly onto the towel.

"Three . . ." The drops of crimson came faster now.

"Four . . ." Now it was covering his arm in his natural red paint.

"Five . . ." It was flowing like a fountain over his lap.

"Six . . ." It grew to a river.

"Seven . . ." His head was swimming.

"Eight . . ." The towel was soaked.

"Nine . . ." The room began to spin.

"Ten . . ." Letting the razor drop, his world faded to black. I only made it to ten. Pathetic.

TBC, hopefully, R&R to tell me what you think!!!


	2. Why the Worry?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters ;;

Authoress Note: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have many other fics and stuff going on. I really don't know where to go with this though so if you have any ideas I'll gladly consider them and give you credit.

Warning: I really didn't mean to but there's a little shonen-ai popping up. And there might be more to come. BXR RXY

There was an annoying ringing that flooded Bakura's weightless bliss. The throbbing in his wrist was constant with his heartbeat. And now this horrid sound shattered this calm world.

Ryou, get that, it's annoying me. he growled from within the darkness.

/Why me? Why don't you get it?/ he responded, somewhere not too far away. He knew that Ryou was also feeling this wonderful relief. Both of them were beyond the point where pain was no more and all there was was this throbbing energy as his body struggled to live.

Because in might be one of your friends.

/ So? You can use my voice, you've done it before, they won't know the difference. / Bakura groaned to this and tried to ignore his hikari. The ringing stopped for a minute the started again.

Ugh! Bakura moaned in exasperation.

/ Fine I'll get it! / The dark chuckled. Ryou always gave in before too long. He was just too nice.

The boy groaned with annoyance and pain as he resurfaced into the world of the living. The towel was soaked with blood as he pushed it from his lap to the floor. He hobbled to the phone and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" he groaned. A sigh came from the other side.

"I was starting to get worried." Yuugi was the one calling him. "Why weren't you at school?"

"I'm sick," Ryou lied. He hated to lie to his friends but it was the only thing he could do. He couldn't tell him what he had really been doing. If they ever found out that he had been participating in one of Bakura's rituals they'd never look at him the same again.

"Oh well that's too bad. I'll come over later to help you with homework ok?" No! Ryou began to panic. If Yuugi came over and saw all the blood he would definitely want to know what happened. That would be horrible. Yuugi couldn't come over. He couldn't but what kind of an excuse could he find?

"Thanks." That was all he could say. He couldn't come up with anything at all.

"No problem." Ryou hung up the phone and sunk to the floor, gripping his wrist.

"I don't know why he worries so much." He stood up and wrapped his wounds and slipped into his bed. He laid there shivering until the comforting presence of his yami pressed against his back. He felt Bakura wrap his arms around him, holding him protectively.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes." It was strange, his yami had never cared this much.

"You don't have to do it again you know." Bakura's conscience was tugging at him. He'd caused his hikari a great deal of pain.

"I know, you tell me every time." He sighed, closing his eyes.

"I was just making sure." When there was no response, Bakura covered Ryou with a blanket and closed his own eyes. Ryou laid there in the midst of his own thoughts. Why was everyone so worried? He hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. He'd been sick before and Yuugi, and his friends, hadn't cared. He'd rolled in that bliss given the notorious title of masochism but Bakura had never worried for his safety. He shook off those thoughts and rolled over in his yami's arms to snuggle against his strong form. Sighing, he released all his problems and slipped away into sleep.  
  
Another Authoress Note: AWWW!


	3. Out of Control

Disclaimer: I don't own. Period.

Authoress Note: FINALLY I UPDATED! YAY!

Ryou woke with a groan. His wrist were pulsing and he head hurt like hell. He sat up in bed and looked around him. His sheets were stained red and the towel lay on the floor in a puddle of drying blood. He sighed. His mom would be coming home from her most recent business trip and she cerytainly wouldn't like to see this. With another groan he stood and held onto the bedpost as the room began to spin. Everything gained a silver lining for a moment and his stomach did a somersault. Falling to his knees his legs grew cold as the blood that had soaked into the carpet came into his jeans. His stomach did another flip and his spilled his guts onto the floor. He hadn't eaten anything since his mom had been gone, seeing as neither he nor Bakura could cook worth anything, so all that came rom his mouth was bile. He choked and rushed to the bathroom. He hung on the sink for a moment, splashing his face and trying to rinse the nasty taste of acid from his mouth. His breath came to his ragged and the room began to spin again. He just about fell over when a pair of strong arms held him up.

"Hey, Ryou? You alright?" Bakura's voice broke through the surreal world that the boy had fallen into.

"I-I I really . . . don't know." Even his own voice seemed out of place. He heard Bakura sigh and soon he was lifted into his yami's arms and carried back into the bedroom.

"You really shouldn't be doing this Ryou. You're a wreck because of it. I hate seeing you be a part of my addictions." Ryou rested his head on his dark's shoulder. Had Bakura just had a tone of guilt in his voice? No, that couldn't be possible. Why would Bakura feel guilty?

There was the rustling of sheets as Bakura set his hikari on the bed and pulled the spread off the mattress. He balled up the blankets as well as the towel and threw them into a corner.

"I'll go get something to clean this up." he said, turning his back to Ryou. "And I'll throw the bloody stuff in the washer while I'm at it. Wait a bit until you feel better, then you can go get some new sheets. But whatever you do, don't go to sleep, not at this point." He stepped out the door and just before he closed it, he muttered. "There's a good chance that you wouldn't wake up."

Ryou sat there, looking about the room as if he couldn't quite place where or who he was. It was strange , the whole world seemed to have changed over the course of one night. Why had his dark seemed so sad? It's not like he had done anything out of the ordinary. This sort of thing always seemed to happened when his mom was away. She'd been working really long hours since dad had died. She was barely at home at all. And when she was, she was either on her laptop or the phone, talking to someone. There was only one person Ryou had was Bakura; who, to most people, wasn't a real good influence.

Bakura was one of those people that just had an arua about him that sent shivers down your spine. He was sarcastic and selfish and popping up in the most inappropriate places. All he ever seemed to do was cause trouble. Cause trouble and spill blood. Those were Bakura's favorite things to do. Which was not exactly what he'd think of as fun. His dark seemed to love doing anything to put himself into trouble and then it thrilled him even more to try and come up with a way to get himself out.

From downstairs, Ryou heard the washing machine start. Sure the thing was a piece of junk and loud as can be, but he never normally could hear it from his room, esspecially with the door closed. It was deathly silent in the house. It was unusual. Unusual and unnerving. The silence seemed to seep from the cracks in the wall and fill the room like water. Soon he was swimming, drowning, in it. He looked around frantically in search of something as a source of sound. He ran into the bathroom; or more like stumbled, and turned on the water.

He was surprised at the crushing grip he had on the faucet, and at the heaving of his chest, his labored breathing.There was no sound whatsoever. Everything was quiet save his pounding heart. That was what was wrong. His heart, it was beating, pounding as if he'd been running. But there was no other sound. He couldn't hear the washing machine in the basement. It was like he was all alone. He couldn't even hear his own breathing. He looked around him frantically and realized that that too sent the world spinning. He stumbled for the door, falling to his knees on the carpet as his shoulder caught the frame. A black ring began to constrict his vision. What was happening? It hit him.

He was dying. He began to panic, forcing himself to his feet only to hit the ground again. No, he refused to die this way. He called for Bakura. He screamed and cried but he couldn't find his voice. His throat was tight with fear as tears welled up in his eyes. He screamed for his yami but once agian, his voice was lost. Rivers streamed down his face as he crawled toward the door. His world had gone almost completely black now. His breath came to him in short, shuddering gasps. His heart raced, pumping blood into his muscles in a futile attempt to move. His lungs screamed for air that could not be supplied.

Finally after struggling for what seemed like forever, he laid himself on his stomach, arms at his sides, tears soaking into the carpet. His chest heaved in shallow breaths. Breaths that was getting shallower and shallower with every second. Bakura He squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to relax. If he was going to die, there was no way he could fight it. He stared with half-lidded eyes at the fading world. And just as the world disappeared into black, the door opened.

Bakura stood in the doorway, unable to move from shock. Before him lay Ryou's paling form. His chest was just barely moving and his eyes were starting to roll back. That moment seemed to freeze. Bakura stood for eternity staring in disbelief at his hikari at his feet. Finally, he found his voice.

"RYOU!" he threw the clean sheets he'd carried to the floor and dropped to his knees, pulling the boy's form into his lap. "Ryou? Ryou?! Ryou, don't close your eyes. Please! Don't close you eyes!" He rested Ryou's head in the crook of his arm. He patted the boy's face. His skin was cold and almost paper white. He was almost gone. He nearly jumped out of his skin in delight as Ryou turned to meet his eyes. He tried to speak but his voice was gone. Bakura knew what he had said. "It's ok Ryou, it's going to be ok. I'm here now. I'll help you. Just don't die on me."

Another Authoress Note: HAHA! Cliffy!


	4. Affections and Accusation

Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
Authoress note: YAY! I fiiiiinaaally updated!!!!! Sorry it took so long.

After hours of accusations and questions, Bakura trudged into Ryou's hospital room. The white walls gleamed and reflected the overcast world beyond the window. It had been two days since Bakura had taken his hikari to the hospital. He'd had to. Having been paniced and half intoxicated on endorphins himself, he'd been brash. Or that's what he'd thought. When he got to the hospital and turned Ryou in for treatment, he'd passed out himself in the waiting room.

The doctors had told him that if it had been any longer, Ryou would've died. That struck him very hard. He hadn't tever thought of life without his fruity hikari.

Then one of the nurses had turned him in saying they saw similar cuts in similar spots on him. They treated him, amazed that he was still coherent. The came the blame game. They wouldn't leave him alone. The kept asking if he cut often, if he'd convinced his "younger brother" to do it, if Ryou watched him, if he did drugs or drank, and many other such questions. They even dared to ask him if he hated Ryou, if he'd plotted for him to die. He'd answered as truthfully as he could, or as he allowed himself to. But one thing shocked him. The thing, the phrase he'd said the most. With every response, he uttered an "I love him." Those three words had never escaped his lips before. And here he was, trying to convince these people he cared about Ryou.

Now there he was, sitting in his room, with nothing save the drip of the IV feeding his hikari the blood he'd lost, trying to convince himself that he held no feelings for Ryou. That iut didn't matter if the little fruit died. But as he sat at the bedside, watching the other's chest rise and fall, waiting for him to wake, he couldn't do it.

He loved Ryou, like a little brother. And he desperately wanted to see his pure brown eyes open behind his shimmering silver bangs. He longed to see a smile cross those light pink lips, forming adorable dimples on his pale cheeks. He wanted him to live. Hewanted it so badly hot streak rolled down his face. His longing was so intense, he held Ryou's hand just to feel the slight warmth. And with each moment longer, he felt more and more comfortable. He Sat there with his eyes trained on the fuctions of the precious body before him. Leaning up, he pressed his ear to Ryou's chest, closing his eyes and listening to the beat of his heart. Bakura had never stopped to listen, but now that sound was the only comfort he found to be useful.

A moment later he found himself sitting in the bed with his hikari, the boy's head rested on his chest. This felt so odd. To be so close to someone and care about them so much that he refused to leave. As his fingers played and threaded themselves in Ryou's hair, he seemed completely content. There was a slight groan from Ryou as Bakura laid himself down and held the boy protectively.

"Bakura . . ." His hikari spoke in a soft voice, as if calling to him. The yami sat there, slightly stunned. Even now, even after all this, Ryou wanted him to be there. Smiling like never before, he whispered:

"I'm here, Ryou, you don't have to worry." He couldn't stop smiling as the form relaxed against him.


	5. Questions Unanswered

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh ::tear::

Authoress Note: Sorry for the sap you anti-sap people ::nudges Atsuko:: Well this is where the triangle starts as well as the angst. Oh yeah.

It was a bright day that sent rays of sunlight pouring inth the white room. Ryou's eyes opened and insantly squinted against the blinding assualt. After a moment, his eyes reopened again. It was silent save for his own slightly labored breathing and the throbbing of his heart in his ears. But there was another sound. Another rhythm of breaths. His eyes shifted a little and it sent the word spinning, making his stomach flip. Another moment passed before everything went still and the image of a blonde head resting against his good arm came into focus. It took a moment for the identity of this person to make itself clear.

"Malik?" Ryou muttered quietly. What was Malik doing there? He was in Egypt performing his Tomb Keeper's duty or something like that, wasn't he? The figure groaned and lifted their head. Sure enough, the soft lavendar eyes of the Egyptian met his own.

"Ryou... I was coming to visit you and when I got to your house you weren't there. There was a note from Bakura saying you were here. I heard what happened." His tanned hand rested on Ryou's bandaged wrist. There was a tight silence between them until Malik broke it with a single question. "Why?"

It struck Ryou hard; not because he didn't think that Malik cared, but more from the fact that he didn't have an answer. Or a least not one that could be acceptable. Instead, he tried to change the subject. "Where's Bakura now? He was here, where'd he go?" His voice turned frantic. there had been doubt in his yami's voice when the act was commited. And he was certain that he'd heard his voice once, reassuring him. But where was he now? "Where is he?" he asked again.

"Shh... calm down. the doctors shooed him out, saying he wasn't giving you any breathing room." Malik's hand reached up and touched the side of the Brit boy's face. "He's probably at your house as we speak." His lavendar eyes ran over the boy's appearance. His soft, pale skin; his full cheeks, beautifully pinked lips, and large brown eyes. in that instant a lust grew in he Tomb Keeper that he could hardly control. Sure, lust wasn't anything new to him, but never was it this strong. He'd never felt such a thing toward anyone to this magnitude. Ryou looked so worried, so completely frightened. For who or what Malik could no longer recall. All he knew was that the boy was scared; he was terrified. The desire to comfort the boy was overwhelming. His hand held Ryou's tightly, his thumb rubbing over the back of his hand.

Ryou's eyes watched other other carefully. Suddenly Malik seemed lost. Not in a physical sense, but rather a mental one. "Malik? Are you alright?" His hand gently gripped the one in his.

"Yes." the Tomb keeper spoke gently, leaning up to hover his face just inches from Ryou's. "I'm just worried. That's all." His hand drifted up to touch the baby soft, white cheeks. He watned to taste that lovely flesh not only with his eyes, but his mouth as well.

"I-I'm sorry..." Ryou muttered lightly. He knew that Malik liked him and had liked him for a while; but this? It was hard being so close to Malik. Seeing as Ryou himself had had a crush on the boy for some time. Those pretty eyes staring at him so fiercely that it almost made him shudder. He wanted those lips so badly. It hurt him when he realized that Malik would probably want nothing to do with him. Seeing as no one else in the world did. Ryou's face became warm with a blush that colored his cheeks. He got his arms to work enough to at least pull away a little so that they weren't so close.

Though Malik seemed to sense his doubt and leaned in, suddenly captured the Brit's lips. The moment hung between them for what seemed to be a very long time. Ryou was the one to pull away. Though it had been a fairly innocent kiss, the boy's lips were full and pink with the action.

"W-What was that Malik?" Ryou questioned breathlessly. Not that it was a bad thing, but it wasn't everyday that someone like Malik up and kissed him.

"What do you mean? You know what that was. It was a kiss."

"I-I know that," he stuttered. Malik was still so close to him. "But why?" The question came across gently. He didn't quite know how the other boy was going to take it, but Ryou hoped he didn't seem too hateful or offensive.

"Well..." It seemed to take Malik a moment to think and give his thoughts words. "I'll give you an answer to that when you answer my question." A small smile spread over his lips.

"Y-Your question?" Ryou blinked momentarily before understanding. That seemed fair. Malik would tell him why he kissed him if Ryou told him why he had ended up in the hospital. It was a difficult decision though. Ryou would hate himself if Malik found out he was addicted to self-mutilation. It would hurt them both far too much.

Another Authoress Note: TBC!!! YAAAY! I hope you like, please review.


End file.
